Thursday, November 10, 2016

Top 12 GI Joes fans would use in real life.

Outback, Beachhead and Lowlight storm the beach
Presenting the top 12 GI Joes that fans would use in real life. 

This is actually the results of a poll posted by Ed in the GI Joe Rec Room Facebook page. He asked "If you had a 3 man team to infiltrate Cobra Island who would you pick?

It was a good question because it fell down to the bare minimum in terms of military fire-teams. Which three would you indeed assemble and send - quite possibly - to their deaths (Someone actually suggested the Fire-team of Windmill, Skidmark and Sneek Peek because he did not expect to see them come back alive - to be fair, we think Skidmark would make it). 

Anyway we decided to tally the data and here are the results - the top 12 GI Joes that fans would pick if they had to send a three-man fire-team to infiltrate Cobra island


Tied at the end of the list are: Duke, Outback, Stalker and Leatherneck

GI Joe Conrad Hauser
Well, I don't care if it's God's own anti-son-of-a-bi%&h machine,
or a giant hoola hoop, we're not gonna let 'em have it!
DUKE: Contrary to what non-fans may think given Duke's popularity, Duke was not one of the "Original 13" GI Joes. Wikipedia has this to say about him: "Duke is the code name of First Sergeant Conrad S. Hauser, and was born in St. Louis, Missouri. He is a skilled polyglot, being fluent in English, French and German, as well as several Southeast Asian languages. He was at the top of his class at Fort Benning, attended U.S. Army Special Language school, has undergone Special Forces training, and worked with South Vietnamese tribesmen. He was also an instructor in four different Special Forces schools. Despite his accomplishments, he has repeatedly turned down any officer commissions offered to him. He believes a commander's place is with his troops, not behind the battle lines.

Duke is field commander and second-in-command of the G.I. Joe team after Hawk. In this role, he has served as a rugged leader by example, a precise giver of orders, a source of history and knowledge, and a fair settler of disputes. As the team has fluctuated in size and structure over the years, Duke has supervised the training of the non-commissioned officers in G.I. Joe, as well as leading special units such as Tiger Force and Star Brigade."

GI Joe
Chuck Norris who?
OUTBACK: Sergeant Stuart R. Selkirk from Big Piney, Wyoming.first made his appearance in G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #59 (May 1987) - the issue that also debuted the COBRA POGO. Outback was picked up by the Joes in the mountains of Colorado where he was supposed to be testing survival equipment. He said that the equipment was crap and the food was inedible and he had been living off the land for days instead. 

The word "SURVIVAL" on his short is an acronym from the US Army Ranger Handbook that stands for: 

Size up the situation.
Undue haste makes waste.
Remember where you are.
Vanquish fear and panic.
Improve your situation.
Value living.
Act like the natives.
Learn basic skills.

His other call to fame was abandoning Stalker, Snowjob and Quick-Kick to the Communists in Borovia - a fact that did not sit well with some of his fellow Joes till Stalker told everyone that the only thing that kept them going was the knowledge that Outback had gotten away to get help.

It's the only way we know to go, squad up never roll alone
STALKER: Sgt. Stalker is Lonzo R. Wilkinson a former gang member from the streets of Detroit Michigan who enlisted in the army. 

Sgt.Stalker has the distinction of easily being the more recognizable and most visible African-American character in G.I. Joe history and probably one of the only G.I. Joe Characters to have a "trademark" gun - the M3A1-Grease Gun - though now he just has a gun that looks like his Grease gun. He's using a modified FPC Series "Firepit" submachine gun. 

Sgt.Stalker's 30th Anniverary blister card reads: "Sgt. Stalker developed his survival skills growing up on the mean streets of his hometown, and sharpened them even more in advanced combat training. He uses his keen intelligence and quick perception to maintain a calm, cool atmosphere in high-stress situations. Quick to react, he moves like lightning: silent, fast and strong."

Not bad for someone who used to run with a street gang. It isn't actually discussed anywhere why Sgt.Stalker decided to enlist and change his life. But that kind of jump just doesn't happen without a major catalyst. 

LEATHERNECK: Marine Drill Sergeant Wendell A. Metzger from Nebraska, or Leatherneck, was released in 2008 with a desert cammo AWE Striker. 

GI Joe
Rollin, Rollin, Rollin
His blister card then read: "Leatherneck was the hardest gunny that ever slogged through the mud of Camp Lejeune. Before that, he was the toughest drill sergeant on Parris Island. Men that have gone through this training say they would rather crawl through broken glass than be on his bad side. He demands countless push-ups for mistakes and enjoys leading 30-mile  hikes through the hot and humid Parris Island swamps. He insists he is a touch disciplinarian because he wants his soldiers to be prepared for the worst, and when you have dealt with COBRA forces as often as he has, you come to expect the worst.

FLINT: Warrant Officer Dashiell Faireborn from Kansas is probably best known for marrying Lady Jaye

His 25th Anniversary blister card reads: "Flint was a Rhodes Scholarand earned his degree in English Lit. Bored by the Groves of the Academe, he enlisted in the Army and applied the tenacity ad concentration he had used so well scholastically to grind his way through Airborne School, Ranger School, Special Forces School and finally Flight Warrant Officer School, graduating each with top honors. A thorough tactical planner Flint drafted and personally led a half dozen rescue missions in hostile territories that for obvious reasons of security were never publicized let alone admitted to."

Flint is tied with Tunnel Rat and Wetsuit.

Tunnel Rat: According to Wikipedia, Tunnel Rat's "...real name is Nicky Lee, and his rank is that of sergeant E-5. Tunnel Rat is a Trinidadian Chinese who lived in Brooklyn, New York prior to joining the US Army. He received Ranger training at Fort Benning, and served time in Grenada. Tunnel Rat specializes in explosive ordnance disposal, and is familiar with most NATO and Warsaw Pact explosive devices." Check out the 

Wetsuit: Of course people will include the SEALs. 

According to Wikipedia, Wetsuit's "real name is Brian M. Forrest and he holds the rank of Petty Officer Second Class (E-5). Wet Suit was born in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Wet Suit knew from an early age he wanted to join the Navy, and enlisted upon his graduation from high school. He eventually applied for SEAL training, was accepted and completed arguably the military's toughest training program. Like any other SEAL, Wet Suit gained a reputation for being tough and mean, though many instructors considered him the toughest and meanest. Seeking even greater challenges, Wet Suit signed on to the G.I. Joe Team." He's also known for butting heads with Leatherneck in thanks to the rivalry between the USMC and the Navy SEALS.

Standing next alone is Scarlett

GI Joe
Admit it, this turns you on
Scarlett is Sergeant Shana M. O'Hara from Atlanta, Georgia. She did not join the GI Joes because Rhett Butler left her.

We're featuring the GI Joe Resolute Scarlett here and her blister card reads  "A brilliant mind, outstanding martial arts skills, and lethal accuracy with her trademark crossbow - that's Scarlett

The G.I. JOE team's counter-intelligence expert has the cerebral savvy to get inside the mind of her enemies and design a plot that'll outsmart them at their own game. She also has the combat skills to take on a squad of COBRA troopers and be the sole person left standing when the fighting's over. She can make a HALO dive into hostile territory in the dead of night, then enter a heavily guarded COBRA missile silo and take it over as one-half of a two-person unit, and not even break a sweat. 
That's skill. 
That's training. 
That's Scarlett. "

Sadly she's the only female GI Joe member to make this list.

Torpedo is next.

GI Joe
Come here you little fishy!
Torpedo the other SEAL to make this list and beating out Scarlet is  Navy Warrant Officer Edward W. Leialoha, from Hawaii.

Wikipedia says that "His primary military specialty is Navy SEAL (Sea, Air & Land) and his secondary military specialty is demolitions.

Torpedo was originally a scuba instructor prior to enlistment. He attained black belts in the martial arts Wu-Shu, Kenpo and Go-Ju-Ryu by age 19; and he is proficient with the Filipino butterfly knife (Bali-Song). His training records after SEAL school are classified, but he is a qualified expert in most NATO small arms and NATO & Warsaw Pact explosive devices. Torpedo is a strict vegetarian and spends his off-duty hours perfecting his fighting skills and marksmanship. He is regarded by his teammates as a highly-competent professional, but is said to have the personality of a cold fish."

In the Marvel Comic books, Torpedo and Wetsuit actually did infiltrate COBRA island and nearly kidnapped Cobra Commander.


GI Joe
The Ultimate Fan Fire-Team: Lowlight, Beachhead and Snake-Eyes
This is coincidentally the team we chose.

GI Joe
You won't hear the shot
Low-Light is Staff Sergeant Cooper G. MacBride

According to his 25th Anniversary blister card "Low-Light is the G.I. Joe team's night operations expert, specializing in image intensification techniques and reduced-light combat tactics. As a child, he was afraid of the dark, until he got lost in the woods and was found three weeks later with a flashlight and compass, skillfully finding his way home. In the dark Cobra warehouse, he positions himself to take Destro and the Shock Troopers by surprise."

He's one of our choices for the infiltration fire team and we're glad a lot of people shared our opinion. He's quiet, can move without being detected, and can provide silent and deadly accurate support for an assault, infiltration, assassination or extraction.

Or he can make a lot of loud noise as a distraction.

This particular Low-Light comes with a replacement 3rd party Cheytac Intervention Bolt Action Sniper rifle.

GI Joe
Oh you'll hear me when I want you to.
Beachhead is Staff Sergeant Wayne R. Sneeden. According to his GI Joe Pursuit of Cobra blister card, he's prepped for Close Quarters and Anti-Armor combat.

The blister card goes on to say "Wayne 'Beachhead' Sneeded is an urban combat specialist on the GI Joe Team. This former Army Ranger carries specialized gear and weapons including a gas mask for breathing in any environment and a U.P.R. Urban Plasma Rail Weapon. His gear and training come in handy when he battles Alley-Vipers in the Cobra warehouse."

We chose Beacheaad because he can stay quiet when he has to, but packs a hard hitting very loud arsenal for when the time is right.

This particular Low-Light comes with a replacement 3rd party Barrett REC7.... and Captain America's helmet.

Why? Well... it fit. And this.

Yeah that just happened 
Snake-Eyes The GI Joes don't know who he is or how he learned what he does. They just know he's a ninja/commando who gets the job done. The GI Joe Wolverine who who can take on an army quietly or straight on.

This GI Joe Pursuit of Cobra Snake Eyes' blister card reads: "Snake-Eyes is the G.I. JOE Team's Ninja Commando and martial arts master. As the team fights Cobra Forces in the desert, SNAKE EYES slips behind enemy lines to blow up Cobra fortifications. He is armed with a pistol, submachine gun and swords to battle anyone who tries to stop him from reaching his target."

Of course we'd pick him.

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