Thursday, October 27, 2016

10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked

Presenting 10 Female Superheroes who fight crime or save the world practically naked.

This discussion actually began while watching Hancock - who would rather fight crime butt-ass nude, than wear a costume (Which, to no big surprise, he has and in his world, it's on YouTube along with the plight of Walter the Grey Whale).

We originally started with a list of 5, but couldn't decide on which of our favorites to omit, so we expanded the list to 10. These are just our favorites and is certainly not an encompassing list of all the female flesh revealing super-heroes out there.

Just our favorites.

Sorry Dr Mrs Monarch, we can't get over your freaky voice (And you're a villain), but you're incredibly hot.


10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
Mystique goes: SNIKT!!!!
1) Mystique: Brett Ratner got it right in X-Men the Last Stand when Mystique was de-powered and she turned into a quite naked Rebecca Romijn.

Rarven Darkholme was created by Dave Cockrum and Chris Claremont waaay back in 1978 as a foil against Ms Marvel.

Back then the adoptive mother of Rogue was a simple shapeshifter with the ability to mimic the appearance of anyone who she sees. This eventually evolved into minor shape-shifting - allowing her to manifest claws or tentacles when required. Her level of mastery evolved to the point that she could mask her scent, puff up for additional mass, and - at one  time - turn into a dog.

Her powers have also evolved to grant her a form of advanced healing factor.

Originally she could not, but eventually her shape-shifting powers evolved to include her clothing as well - down to zippers, buttons, I.D. cards, the works.

So technically, Mystique doesn't have a costume. She enters combat using her powers.
10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
Mystique losing her powers in X-Men: The Last Stand

10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
2)Vampirella:    The vampiric femme-fatale was created in 1969 by Forrest J Ackerman and Trina Robbins.

As you can see from her 1969 cover, she really hasn't changed much in appearance. She's probably lost a little more cloth over the years, but not much has been changed..... well the boots are higher now.

Designed to be a light-hearted bad-girl, Vampirella's power set includes the ability to sexually arouse men. Seriously that might be more of a side-effect of what she's not wearing.

In 2012 we featured one of the best Vampirella cosplayers ever: Ms Paula Labaredas

Vampirella Cosplay
Paula Labaredas Vampirella Cosplay
10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
Sara Pezzini - Witchblade
3)Witchblade: Sara Pezzini, she would become the wielder of the Witchblade was born in 1995 for Image Comics, from the creative - and slightly perverted minds of - Marc Silvestri, David Wohl, Brian Haberlin and Michael Turner.

Sara wields the Witchblade - a sentient bracelet which is an amalgamation of order and chaos. With the Witchblade, Sara Pezzini gains the ability to create a variety of medieval weapons - swords, hooks, shields, etc..; has super human strength, endurance and agility; can fly; generate destructive beams of energy - or spikes, and; heal from almost any damage received. Supposedly it can also manipulate the weather and control time.
Danielle Baptiste - Witchblade

Sara also uses the Witchblade as a lockpick, and it has been used to commune with the dead.

But the Witchblade is probably best known for providing very revealing armor at the cost of ALL of the wearer's clothing - it likes to get really close.

We actually should not be surprised given that the Witchblade is a MALE sentient entity.

Danielle Baptiste, the second Witchblade and current host of the Angelus, had as similar problem.

Do check out out Jacqueline Goehner Witchblade Cosplay feature here.

10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
DC New 52 Starfire
4) Starfire: Koriand'r was created by Marv Wolfman and George PĂ©rez in 1980 and was designed to be the Red Sonja from outer-space - with a touch of Mighty Mouse.

Starfire's rebirth in DC's New 52 encountered a freakish amount of controversy because they removed the naivete that covered her clothing's optional bombshell personality, and added an overdrive for casual sex conveniently cloaked behind a feminist excuse.

But seriously, what keeps that costume up or in place? Modesty (You have to our age to get that reference).

To placate the critics, DC re-released her in a comic book where she actually had more clothes on and a less frivolous personality.

Do check out our New 52 Starfire review by clicking here.

10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
A not quite destitute of clothing Dejah Thoris cover
5) Dejah Thoris: The princess of the Helium Empire on Mars was created by Edgar Rice Burroughs (He who made Tarzan) all the way back when we were but kids in 1917. In fact, Burroughs' fist novel involving John Carter and Dejah Thoris was not named for the Earthman, but was instead called "A Princess of Mars."

And just in case you think that it's only we modern perverts who decided that Dejah Thoris should save her world wearing nothing more than a thong and nipple shields, here's how Burroughs describes her: "....She was as destitute of clothes as the green Martians who accompanied her; indeed, save for her highly wrought ornaments she was entirely naked, nor could any apparel have enhanced the beauty of her perfect and symmetrical figure."

So she should actually be wearing much, MUUUUCCCCCH less.

Personally we think that Lynn Collins did an excellent job as Dejah Thoris. The movie, in our opinion, received some really undeserved reviews. Personally we feel that the only reason why fan-boys hated it was because Lynn didn't take her clothes off (It's a Disney film).

Here's are a few of our thoughts on John Carter.

10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
Emma Frost's real mutant power
was the ability to defy gravity
6) Emma Frost: Created by Chris Claremont and John Bryne in 1980, the Hellfire Club's White Queen has always been one to dress provocatively.

However in 2001, artist Frank Quitely was told to put an "X" on her uniform, and what he did instead was to carve an "X" out of her uniform, creating a gravity defying costume for Emma that would last for years.

Personally we feel that it's probably clipped in place by the weight of her breasts.

Emma even maintained this uniform in the psychic plane:

To make things worse, a few issues after this uniform was introduced, artist Ethan Van Sciver thought it would be a splendid idea to reverse the costume - not that we minded.

Eventually Emma would return to the corset that first defined her, but this costume will forever be etched in our minds.

10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
Party with Jungle Girl
7) Jungle Girl: Jungle Girl is actually a generic term for all those bikini clad women who traipse around the jungle. This can be a placeholder for several of them buis specifically the one from the comic series by Frank Cho, James Murray, and Adriano Batista whose real name is Jana Sky-Born.

Gifted with extraordinary fighting skills, reflexes and jungle knowledge, Jungle Girl has an ability which no other Jungle Girl has: she has caches of home-made animal skin bikinis and other pieces of clothing hidden around the jungle.

Why would she need a cache of bikinis? Check out this video featuring Lindsy Pelas as Jungle Girl to find out:

She's also a favorite pastime sketch of Frank Cho. He usually likes to portray her being attacked by small dinosaurs that steal her clothing.

10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
This is not the Alice in Wonderland
you grew up with
8) Alice Liddle: We actually wanted to do an Alice and Calie Liddle here, but that's just too f#%ked up. So we decided to focus on Alice. We're not even going to pretend that we understand what happens in Zenescope's Return to Wonderland series and all the material that followed from it, including the Alice in Wonderland mini-series.We won't because it's really messed up and borders on the metaphysical - or the crazy (We can't tell).

Anyway, this is Alice Liddle as seen through the pencils of Joseph Dodd. In a nutshell, an Avatar of Alice as a child is left in Wonderland. She grows up in stasis to adulthood still wearing the dress that she wore when she entered Wonderland. For some strange reason the dress did not tear and instead manages to barely hold her gracious proportions in - just barely.

It's surprising that there's not that much nudity in the series.

If you ever come across her action figure (CLICK HERE), you'll note that it's barely there and ready to pop.

Then there's this twisted implied fantasy involving her daughter Calie:

10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
Jane Gay
9) Jane Gay: Jane Gay doesn't have any super-powers per-se, but we thought it would be nice to add something from history to this list rather than to go with the traditional super-heroines.

Jane Gay is a journalist by trade. She has the special power to keep losing her clothes or end up in really embarrassing situations as she goes about doing her duties.

Jane was born from Norman Pett in December 1932, and she stayed in publication til October of 1959. Though we're quite sure we saw a modern version of her as we were growing up. Perhaps it was a syndication of sorts, but right now we can't find it.

Her surname "Gay" reflects just how old she is as it refers to her happy-go-lucky always naked nature, rather than to the more modern homosexual connotation.

Jane was a source of inspiration for Allied troops throughout World War II, and she finally appeared completely naked in 1943 - instead of just being in her undergarments - in support of the troops at war.

Which makes her a hero.

10 Female Superheroes who are practically naked
Druuna nuff said
10) Druuna: We're not really sure we need to explain who Druuna is. Druuna was born from the inks of Italian Artist Paolo Eleuteri Serpieri (That name alone should be enough to grab the attention of any man) in 1985. We'd like to think we've read the books, but the truth is, we haven't. We really just looked at the pretty pictures because quite honestly the story is deep. Very deep. And the nudity and gratuitous sex is just too big a distraction that eventually you just drop the story and keep turning the pages.

Somehow she saves the world. Not sure how.

There are other photos that we wanted to add to her write-up, but we realized that they were all too graphic.

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